Life as a Beam of Light

I have never known love. It is a true feeling that no one can really explain. So how does anyone really know what it is and how do you know if you are in love? Some people say that it is like fireworks going off. Others say that it hurts like no other pain. There are so many other description, so how do you know which one is right? Also, how do you know who is the "one" if there really is a "one" for you.
Well, all this is leading up to something. I think that I may be, as my friend Sarah says, twiterpaited (if you see Bambi, you will get the idea but for others, it is the critters word for love) It feels like I have hit a wall of bricks. I am in another world and can't stay concentrated. The only problem is that I don't know if the person that I am "head over heels" for feels the same way. I know, the most common story in the world. "Does he like me like I like him? Will this work out? Is this for real?" And in my case, "Will I ruin a friendship?" What do I do? I don't want to rush into anything, but I feel like I want to know, just the slightest inkling if he feels the same way. I am not looking for anything intense, since I am still in school (so is he) and in no rush. But the feeling to be held in his arms, to know how it feels and know that I am safe and content sometimes can be overwhelming. Sometimes, expecially right now, I want to call him up to see if he wants to hang out, even at 10 at night. And I know that it is crazy. Or maybe I want him to call me, just to say hi and make plans for lunch or dinner or maybe even a movie. I just don't know what to do.
I am old fashion, meaning that the guy makes all the moves. I think that I need him to make a move that tels me how he feels. Even if it is just a hug or holding my hand, something simple. That's not too much to ask is it? But every one goes though this. I am not alone, and somehow that makes me feel a little bit better.
To anyone who actually reads this. . .and feels the same way. . .you are not alone. Hopefully that makes you feel a little bit better. It helped me a little bit.
Goodnight.
Liz

So, just f.y.i., I am going to completely be destroyed by my Physics test and I don't want to take it. I hate to complain, but someone, please help me!!!!!

I just completely bombed an Astronomy test mainly because I did not have enough time to study for the dang thing. That is the only problem with this class. When test time comes, even this close to finals, you have to read every sentence of the book in order to get a good grade and, I just realized this, that I don't have that time anymore. I have to write a final paper for history and that will take about 30 hours plus and try to study for a make up physics exam on friday, which i have already decided that i am going to fail, because I do not understand the words that are coming out of this guy's mouth!!!!!! Oh, I hope that I will never have to take another Physics class again with my new major. The joys of Anthro and history, hehe!
While I was in lab on Monday, my friend Katie said something that I though that I would never hear in my life. . . that I had an active social life. And now that I have time to breath (since research is kinda done with) I realized that I do. I do at least two things a week with my new friends here at campus. Living in the dorms has really got me going on the friend business. I am meeting so many new people and you know what. . . they don't care how I react or am myself. They accept me for who I am and I think that I really needed that. So thanks guys!! College is just so much better environment than high school was.
So, enough of that mussy crap. . .and on to a random topic. . .now I have to think of one. . . so I will say adios!

So, I got back from presenting my research at UW Stout and had a blast. It was a real eye opener. I enjoyed it and found out that I am actually good at what I do. Yay for archaeology! I am seriously considering changing my major to a double in History and Anthropology instead of pre-med and biology. There are just so many roads that I can travel down and I am having a problem finding which one is right for me. But I guess that everyone goes through that at some point in their life. But other than that, it was a blast, although I can no longer stand Nigel, but what else is new. And I am still considering being a UROP fellow next semester, which would look good on the transcript, if I want to go on to graduate school, which I am still considering.
So enough of the boring school crap, and on to Rocky. . . it was awesome. A call out to my buddy Kevin for finally taking me. I don't think that calling out "Asshole" and "slut" gets any better than this. I am definitely attending next month with new "virgins" Drew and possibly Brad and Kristen and might even join the group, if given the chance. I think that it would be good for me and a great experience. It could get me backing the theater role and all that jazz.
I am also excited for the upcoming Wednesday, for I finally get to learn how to play risk and learn more about an apartment deal and possibly working at Alpine over the summer, which would be a blast itself.
So, just a random question, that I know no one has the answer to, but why do all the cool, attractive guys have to be taken or gay????? Either that, or they are shy and won't approach you and you don't want to seem too "there", if you catch my drift. Oh, the joys of being a single white female in a college environment, hehe.

So, it has been a long while since I have updated my profile and decided to please the "fans" out there, hehe.
I am now single, for events occurred that I could not handle with (mainly someone not calling me for over a month and a half) But I am over that and need to thank him someday, for my self confidence went through the roof during that time.
I am also living in the dorms now and actually have a social life. That fact alone is still surprising to me. My new friends are pretty cool and are accepting of all my quirky characteristics. But don't worry Sarah and Andy, you are still in my heart!!
My family life, though is going down the drain. What my dad did to me he is now doing to my sister and I don't think that I can ever forgive him for that. I know that he is a my father and such, but you do not, under any circumstances bring up my sister's heart condition as a reason that he is not going to pay for her college. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! It makes me so made at times. Okay, I think that I have vented enough, and Kevin took the brunt of that the other night. I kinda feel bad that he had to go through that, but he did say that it was okay. I think that he might have learned his lesson.
I am also excited for the trip to UW Stout soon. I get to present my research that I have been working on all this semester and it is finally done. I am proud of what I accomplished and it feels weird to have my name on something like this.
Another thing that I have noticed is that I have no clue what I want lately. Do I want a boyfriend, or just a friend?? I know that I could never date any of my new friends. mainly because they are not my type and I hope that they can understand that. The one guy that I realized that I liked left and is now returning and I don't think that he will even pay me the slightest attention upon his return. Oh, they joys of being single and dealing with these stupid emotions. So, I think that I have decided to wait everything out and make the right choice (Thanks for the advice Katie!!), for I know that I made a mistake on the last one. You just have to learn what you did and promise to never do that again to yourself, or the other person.
On a happier note, I am going to Rocky Horror, for the first time and am thrilled. And yes, I will be dressing up. You can't go unless you do go as a character. Yay for Cult Classics!!!!!

Halloween here in milwaukee sucks so terribly bad. You can't Trick or Treat on the actual day, but the Sunday before. And you have a certain time frame to get it done, like 2:30-4:30. Doesn't that just reek?!?! Well, other than Halloween being just another day and me not really able to wear my awesome new costume, nothing much is new.
Well, okay, that's a lie. To be honest, and to not brag, I don't think I have been this happy in a long time. everything seems to be going in the right direction lately. I have the best friends in the world, I have a partial social life and an AMAZING boyfriend. I wish I could just go on and on and on about him, but I will spare you the misery. That is what Sarah is for. Luv, ya girl!! Luv ya Ken!! Andy. . .I luv ya too!!!! So I can't wait for Thanksgiving. I get to make a turkey, for the first time. And I will then be the Head Chef in the McCarthy House. Isn't that exciting?? Well, it is for me, so you can pretend to be excited for me. Hehehe. Oh, and today, it SNOWED!!! Like freaking blizzered!! OMG. Frack!! (Battlestar Glactica version of a very bad word. "Use your gray cells") Does that mean that winter is actually coming?? Hunter, I thought you were going to spare me from this torture?!?! Oh, well, your powers aren't that strong. Alas, one cannot deny the beauties of nature. It was really pretty. I was looking at the snow, thinking "pretty, cold, white stuff. Yay??".
So today is Sarah's birthday, and I need to take her to get her gift. I know the perfect thing and I know she will love it. I am a genius, but most people already know that. (Just kidding) HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!!!

Did you know that there was an actually study on whether optimists live longer than pessimists. Well, guess who won. The Optimist. Yay. Okay, random fact. So life right now is really good. I mean, not just good, but GOOD! (From A Mighty Wind, love that movie) I have the two greatest friends anyone could ask for and I have a very lovable boyfriend and all three will always be there for me. That is what friends are made of. Luv ya!! My family is awesome too, well except my father, recently. But now, I am standing up to him and he is backing off. Yes, Liz has the control again. No longer will I be bossed around. Okay, so enough about that. My life just got so much better after I got out of that hell hole people commonly call high school.
Another random fact about my life is that I am writing a little manga (Japanese comic) about Sarah, Andy and myself, called the Mouse With Nothing To Lose. I am the mouse, Squeakers, Sarah is a really BIG raccoon named Big Mama and Andy is a floppy eared puppy called Toby. There will be other characters added soon and there is a villain. I think most people know who that is (Well, anybody from work). I have nothing more to say, so "Goodbye, goodbye . . . (From Spelling Bee)
Oh, news flash, Ghost Hunters is back on as well as BattleStar Glactica!! OMFG!! So, I might need to have a Ghost Hunters Party on Halloween. Yay for SciFi!!!

So, I am having a great day. I got to sleep during math class because the professor took an hour to talk about one problem, which i already knew how to do. Then, I went to the book sale at the library and found three books made in the 1920's and the script for The Crucible. Amazing finds!! And just now I was watching a very awesome guy make very complicated balloon animals. He is amazing. So today is going to be fun. I can't wait for what is in store for me now. But, I do have to find out what I am eating for lunch. The only glitch.

So, I am trying to prep myself for the incoming shock . . . of giving blood. I know that I should do it because my family and others can use it in order to survive and they always need O-, which I am. I don't mind doing it, but I just am deadly afraid of needles (and clowns, but enough of that). I think I might go and buy a little stuffed cat at the union bookstore to calm my nerves. Well, I better stop procrastination and just go for it. Those evil vampires and their needles!!

So from my last entry, not much has really happened. I am constantly hanging out with my best friend, Andy, and with his room mate buddies. The joy about the college life is that I am able to go out on a "school night". Of course, I am not supposed to, because I still live with my family, and I need to obey their house rules because I still live in their house. I can't wait to get out. I am looking at the dorms, but they are so expensive and if I want to move out, I have to do it on my own money. I can't get an extension on my loan because "that would not be a wise thing to do". I also can only work weekends because almost everyday I don't get done untill 5-ish. And that is when the shift starts. Well, crap-ola. Other than trying to find an escape, my life has been really nice. (Smile!!) Homework load is not that bad and I am actually meeting new people and going to different places. Yay for socialization!! The funny thing is that all of my new friends are at a different college. By the way, the people at MSOE rock hard core!! The people at Milwaukee are okay. (Hehehe.)
So I heard that Andy went to "Jazz in the Park" and I thought that it would be fun to go. I have always heard of it and I decided that now was the time to go. So I called him up last Thursday and found out that he would be ditching me because Gray's Anatomy was going to be on. (I used to be a religious watcher of that show also, but it just got me so down because Meridith is such an idiot and I relate mostly to George. (Well, not any more!) Hehe.) So instead, I got a call from a very nice guy and we went with another friend. It was a very, very pleasant evening. So it is on for next Thursday! Yay, excitement!!
So on another note, while I am looking at my UROP papers that are due today. . .I am kinda getting used to this whole dissecting road kill thing. I don't have a problem about the dissection, but the smells. . .OMG!!!! It is getting better though. Hopefully it will get a lot better. I had no clue that I would react this way. WHY?? Oh, well.
So I went to this amazing store, Half-Priced Book Store and got some awesome books. I had no clue how badly Stephen King is screwed up. OMG, again!! This guy is really creepy. But I love his style of writing. I am reading his collection of short stories and ,WOW!!, are they great. They really play on every single fear you could ever have. Creepy, but amazing!!
So, I must depart, for I am a school computer lab and others need to use this piece of machinery more than I do. So long!