Life as a Beam of Light

I have never known love. It is a true feeling that no one can really explain. So how does anyone really know what it is and how do you know if you are in love? Some people say that it is like fireworks going off. Others say that it hurts like no other pain. There are so many other description, so how do you know which one is right? Also, how do you know who is the "one" if there really is a "one" for you.
Well, all this is leading up to something. I think that I may be, as my friend Sarah says, twiterpaited (if you see Bambi, you will get the idea but for others, it is the critters word for love) It feels like I have hit a wall of bricks. I am in another world and can't stay concentrated. The only problem is that I don't know if the person that I am "head over heels" for feels the same way. I know, the most common story in the world. "Does he like me like I like him? Will this work out? Is this for real?" And in my case, "Will I ruin a friendship?" What do I do? I don't want to rush into anything, but I feel like I want to know, just the slightest inkling if he feels the same way. I am not looking for anything intense, since I am still in school (so is he) and in no rush. But the feeling to be held in his arms, to know how it feels and know that I am safe and content sometimes can be overwhelming. Sometimes, expecially right now, I want to call him up to see if he wants to hang out, even at 10 at night. And I know that it is crazy. Or maybe I want him to call me, just to say hi and make plans for lunch or dinner or maybe even a movie. I just don't know what to do.
I am old fashion, meaning that the guy makes all the moves. I think that I need him to make a move that tels me how he feels. Even if it is just a hug or holding my hand, something simple. That's not too much to ask is it? But every one goes though this. I am not alone, and somehow that makes me feel a little bit better.
To anyone who actually reads this. . .and feels the same way. . .you are not alone. Hopefully that makes you feel a little bit better. It helped me a little bit.
Goodnight.
Liz

So, just f.y.i., I am going to completely be destroyed by my Physics test and I don't want to take it. I hate to complain, but someone, please help me!!!!!

I just completely bombed an Astronomy test mainly because I did not have enough time to study for the dang thing. That is the only problem with this class. When test time comes, even this close to finals, you have to read every sentence of the book in order to get a good grade and, I just realized this, that I don't have that time anymore. I have to write a final paper for history and that will take about 30 hours plus and try to study for a make up physics exam on friday, which i have already decided that i am going to fail, because I do not understand the words that are coming out of this guy's mouth!!!!!! Oh, I hope that I will never have to take another Physics class again with my new major. The joys of Anthro and history, hehe!
While I was in lab on Monday, my friend Katie said something that I though that I would never hear in my life. . . that I had an active social life. And now that I have time to breath (since research is kinda done with) I realized that I do. I do at least two things a week with my new friends here at campus. Living in the dorms has really got me going on the friend business. I am meeting so many new people and you know what. . . they don't care how I react or am myself. They accept me for who I am and I think that I really needed that. So thanks guys!! College is just so much better environment than high school was.
So, enough of that mussy crap. . .and on to a random topic. . .now I have to think of one. . . so I will say adios!

So, I got back from presenting my research at UW Stout and had a blast. It was a real eye opener. I enjoyed it and found out that I am actually good at what I do. Yay for archaeology! I am seriously considering changing my major to a double in History and Anthropology instead of pre-med and biology. There are just so many roads that I can travel down and I am having a problem finding which one is right for me. But I guess that everyone goes through that at some point in their life. But other than that, it was a blast, although I can no longer stand Nigel, but what else is new. And I am still considering being a UROP fellow next semester, which would look good on the transcript, if I want to go on to graduate school, which I am still considering.
So enough of the boring school crap, and on to Rocky. . . it was awesome. A call out to my buddy Kevin for finally taking me. I don't think that calling out "Asshole" and "slut" gets any better than this. I am definitely attending next month with new "virgins" Drew and possibly Brad and Kristen and might even join the group, if given the chance. I think that it would be good for me and a great experience. It could get me backing the theater role and all that jazz.
I am also excited for the upcoming Wednesday, for I finally get to learn how to play risk and learn more about an apartment deal and possibly working at Alpine over the summer, which would be a blast itself.
So, just a random question, that I know no one has the answer to, but why do all the cool, attractive guys have to be taken or gay????? Either that, or they are shy and won't approach you and you don't want to seem too "there", if you catch my drift. Oh, the joys of being a single white female in a college environment, hehe.

So, it has been a long while since I have updated my profile and decided to please the "fans" out there, hehe.
I am now single, for events occurred that I could not handle with (mainly someone not calling me for over a month and a half) But I am over that and need to thank him someday, for my self confidence went through the roof during that time.
I am also living in the dorms now and actually have a social life. That fact alone is still surprising to me. My new friends are pretty cool and are accepting of all my quirky characteristics. But don't worry Sarah and Andy, you are still in my heart!!
My family life, though is going down the drain. What my dad did to me he is now doing to my sister and I don't think that I can ever forgive him for that. I know that he is a my father and such, but you do not, under any circumstances bring up my sister's heart condition as a reason that he is not going to pay for her college. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! It makes me so made at times. Okay, I think that I have vented enough, and Kevin took the brunt of that the other night. I kinda feel bad that he had to go through that, but he did say that it was okay. I think that he might have learned his lesson.
I am also excited for the trip to UW Stout soon. I get to present my research that I have been working on all this semester and it is finally done. I am proud of what I accomplished and it feels weird to have my name on something like this.
Another thing that I have noticed is that I have no clue what I want lately. Do I want a boyfriend, or just a friend?? I know that I could never date any of my new friends. mainly because they are not my type and I hope that they can understand that. The one guy that I realized that I liked left and is now returning and I don't think that he will even pay me the slightest attention upon his return. Oh, they joys of being single and dealing with these stupid emotions. So, I think that I have decided to wait everything out and make the right choice (Thanks for the advice Katie!!), for I know that I made a mistake on the last one. You just have to learn what you did and promise to never do that again to yourself, or the other person.
On a happier note, I am going to Rocky Horror, for the first time and am thrilled. And yes, I will be dressing up. You can't go unless you do go as a character. Yay for Cult Classics!!!!!

Halloween here in milwaukee sucks so terribly bad. You can't Trick or Treat on the actual day, but the Sunday before. And you have a certain time frame to get it done, like 2:30-4:30. Doesn't that just reek?!?! Well, other than Halloween being just another day and me not really able to wear my awesome new costume, nothing much is new.
Well, okay, that's a lie. To be honest, and to not brag, I don't think I have been this happy in a long time. everything seems to be going in the right direction lately. I have the best friends in the world, I have a partial social life and an AMAZING boyfriend. I wish I could just go on and on and on about him, but I will spare you the misery. That is what Sarah is for. Luv, ya girl!! Luv ya Ken!! Andy. . .I luv ya too!!!! So I can't wait for Thanksgiving. I get to make a turkey, for the first time. And I will then be the Head Chef in the McCarthy House. Isn't that exciting?? Well, it is for me, so you can pretend to be excited for me. Hehehe. Oh, and today, it SNOWED!!! Like freaking blizzered!! OMG. Frack!! (Battlestar Glactica version of a very bad word. "Use your gray cells") Does that mean that winter is actually coming?? Hunter, I thought you were going to spare me from this torture?!?! Oh, well, your powers aren't that strong. Alas, one cannot deny the beauties of nature. It was really pretty. I was looking at the snow, thinking "pretty, cold, white stuff. Yay??".
So today is Sarah's birthday, and I need to take her to get her gift. I know the perfect thing and I know she will love it. I am a genius, but most people already know that. (Just kidding) HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!!!

Did you know that there was an actually study on whether optimists live longer than pessimists. Well, guess who won. The Optimist. Yay. Okay, random fact. So life right now is really good. I mean, not just good, but GOOD! (From A Mighty Wind, love that movie) I have the two greatest friends anyone could ask for and I have a very lovable boyfriend and all three will always be there for me. That is what friends are made of. Luv ya!! My family is awesome too, well except my father, recently. But now, I am standing up to him and he is backing off. Yes, Liz has the control again. No longer will I be bossed around. Okay, so enough about that. My life just got so much better after I got out of that hell hole people commonly call high school.
Another random fact about my life is that I am writing a little manga (Japanese comic) about Sarah, Andy and myself, called the Mouse With Nothing To Lose. I am the mouse, Squeakers, Sarah is a really BIG raccoon named Big Mama and Andy is a floppy eared puppy called Toby. There will be other characters added soon and there is a villain. I think most people know who that is (Well, anybody from work). I have nothing more to say, so "Goodbye, goodbye . . . (From Spelling Bee)
Oh, news flash, Ghost Hunters is back on as well as BattleStar Glactica!! OMFG!! So, I might need to have a Ghost Hunters Party on Halloween. Yay for SciFi!!!

So, I am having a great day. I got to sleep during math class because the professor took an hour to talk about one problem, which i already knew how to do. Then, I went to the book sale at the library and found three books made in the 1920's and the script for The Crucible. Amazing finds!! And just now I was watching a very awesome guy make very complicated balloon animals. He is amazing. So today is going to be fun. I can't wait for what is in store for me now. But, I do have to find out what I am eating for lunch. The only glitch.

So, I am trying to prep myself for the incoming shock . . . of giving blood. I know that I should do it because my family and others can use it in order to survive and they always need O-, which I am. I don't mind doing it, but I just am deadly afraid of needles (and clowns, but enough of that). I think I might go and buy a little stuffed cat at the union bookstore to calm my nerves. Well, I better stop procrastination and just go for it. Those evil vampires and their needles!!

So from my last entry, not much has really happened. I am constantly hanging out with my best friend, Andy, and with his room mate buddies. The joy about the college life is that I am able to go out on a "school night". Of course, I am not supposed to, because I still live with my family, and I need to obey their house rules because I still live in their house. I can't wait to get out. I am looking at the dorms, but they are so expensive and if I want to move out, I have to do it on my own money. I can't get an extension on my loan because "that would not be a wise thing to do". I also can only work weekends because almost everyday I don't get done untill 5-ish. And that is when the shift starts. Well, crap-ola. Other than trying to find an escape, my life has been really nice. (Smile!!) Homework load is not that bad and I am actually meeting new people and going to different places. Yay for socialization!! The funny thing is that all of my new friends are at a different college. By the way, the people at MSOE rock hard core!! The people at Milwaukee are okay. (Hehehe.)
So I heard that Andy went to "Jazz in the Park" and I thought that it would be fun to go. I have always heard of it and I decided that now was the time to go. So I called him up last Thursday and found out that he would be ditching me because Gray's Anatomy was going to be on. (I used to be a religious watcher of that show also, but it just got me so down because Meridith is such an idiot and I relate mostly to George. (Well, not any more!) Hehe.) So instead, I got a call from a very nice guy and we went with another friend. It was a very, very pleasant evening. So it is on for next Thursday! Yay, excitement!!
So on another note, while I am looking at my UROP papers that are due today. . .I am kinda getting used to this whole dissecting road kill thing. I don't have a problem about the dissection, but the smells. . .OMG!!!! It is getting better though. Hopefully it will get a lot better. I had no clue that I would react this way. WHY?? Oh, well.
So I went to this amazing store, Half-Priced Book Store and got some awesome books. I had no clue how badly Stephen King is screwed up. OMG, again!! This guy is really creepy. But I love his style of writing. I am reading his collection of short stories and ,WOW!!, are they great. They really play on every single fear you could ever have. Creepy, but amazing!!
So, I must depart, for I am a school computer lab and others need to use this piece of machinery more than I do. So long!

So the time has come . . . I am in COLLEGE!! Ahhhhh!  Believe it or not, I was not freaked out or frightened by the fact.  So I am really enjoying the "college life".  I like all of my classes and am excited to see what the year holds. Yeah I know that sounds corny, but oh well. 
So I have a funny story to tell, especially to the people who really know me.  I went to . . . a club.  I know, "WHAT was I THINKING!?!?!"  I don't know.  I thought it would be fun and  a different experience.  Well, it was everything that I hated about school dances and cast parties.  In other words, people were "dirty dancing and grinding".  Everything that I don't like.  I really don't know what I was expecting.  Was I thinking that some dude would come and sweep me off my feet and I would spend my time just talking????  I dono.  Well, I got it out of my system and I probably won't do it again. 
Just on an update on my sister, she is doing much better and is out of the hospital and recovering.  I believe she is going to another concert soon, so I guess that means that she is doing well. 
So I had a meeting with my UROP professor and I am really excited.  I get to learn almost every bone in the body, including those of quadrupeds.  Yay!!  This is what I enjoy doing.  I am also excited about my history class.  My professor is crazy, vicious and highly intelligent.  In other words, exactly what I like.  So yeah, all good classes so far.
On another topic, I got this e-mail from my mom.  It is crazy.  It is like this Chinese horoscope.  I won't tell you any more or I will ruin it.  If you want it, which you really do, just tell me by "lighting up my life!"  I will send you it then because I do not have any e-mail addresses.  Yeah, I know, I am lame. 
Well, there is nothing new about my life. 

Why are they all so cold.  The reason I brought up hospitals is because my younger sister decided to bleed internally while my dad and I were camping.  She is doing better now and is on her way home, so I will tell the confusing turn of events occurring this weekend. 
Thursday was the day that my dad and I were going to leave to camp up north.  We decided to go a small town called Eagle River where there are some camping sites and nice hiking trails.  We haven't camped in over two years and we didn't know the territory.  And as they say in Music Man, "You gotta know the territory!"  How true that is.  I picked my dad up from work and began the drive to Eagle River, about 4 hours away.  We decided that we were going to stay the night in a motel and then head to the campground in the morning.  The first problem hit.  We are driving through a really bad storm and driving through very small towns.  We realize that none of these towns have motels or restaurants that are not bars or "supper clubs".  Not good.  Finally we find a place to eat and they direct us to a place to sleep.  Yay for Best Westerns!  By the way, we have NO signal.  We get to the campground in the morning.  Franklin Lake is beautiful!!  The lake is so clear and so warm.  And there are so many trees.  Yay for forests!!  We were only able to camp for the weekend and it rained Fri and some of Sat.  Other than that is was beautiful.  So we decided to hike the Hidden  Lakes Trail, which is 13 miles long, and realized that it is really humid and that neither of us can breath.  Time to turn around.  So, Sun, we packed up and headed home.  A little north of green bay, we finally got a signal again.  I called mom and she asked how we were.  Then she asked to talk to dad and requested that he pull of the road.  Not a good sign.  So she talks to him for a little bit and he keeps asking "how is she?"  What is going on!?!?!  I finally get the phone and she tells me that Rebekah has bled internally and had to be rushed into emergency surgery to stop the bleeding.  She is on a blood thinner, so that made matters worse.  The worse thing was that my mom was alone and could not get a hold of my dad or me.  Well, now on Tuesday, everything is much better.  After a few scares, Bek is recovering and life is returning to normal.
So on a different subject, I am so lucky to have such good friends.  Luv ya!!
On another subject, I am going to try to write another short story about a fish that I met during my swim in Franklin Lake.  Will post ASAP  :)!!

So today was just one of those days.  It started out okay.  Woke up, ate a huge piece of watermelon and had sushi for lunch.  Then my sister began b^*$#ing about how she wanted to dye her hair and she had to go to a store downtown and my mom didn't want to drive.  I don't blame her.  It is downtown.  So, I thought I would be the nice sister and take her.  I also tried to get my friends to come over, but they were all busy.  So I had to go to the store, pick up her friend, go downtown and then go back to her friends house and then go make a very difficult dinner.  (The dinner part I liked, because I like to cook)  The problem was that my sister more or less b^*$#ed the whole way and disrespected me the whole way.  When I got home, I found out that I am closing for work tomorrow and that we are not having the good dinner, but ordering pizza because my "trip" took to long.  So right now, I am a little pissed.  And my sister din't even say a small thanks.  WHY???  Someone, please rescue me from my family.  I need a vacation from them.  All of them.  Except my cat, Orion.  It was just one of those days.  Please let it end.  PLEASE, make them be quite.  I will leave now and go to the park, where I may finally think clearly.  I need a vacation.  I don't mean to complain, but reading did not calm my spirit, so i decided to write.  Thanks for reading this pointless message. 

So i kinda realized that I am kinda emo.  I have always been a sort of drama queen, over doing everything and always vocalizing my problems to my friends.  So now I will stop, or at least try to.  Many people I know have way worse problems than I do, and I feel bad that I make them worry about mine too.  So, as of now, no more whining.  I am done.  I will now focus on the bigger problems and try to be the best of help for my friends when they want it. 

So on a different note, I am really bored.  My mom is leaving for Wana-part-a-me, or Potawatome, leaving me and my dad.  He is watching the 4400, a very good show on USA.  I usually watch it with him, but I am not in the mood.  My sister is at work, so I have no one to play with.  Even if she was here though, she would be hangin' with her friends.  She is always doing that.  Oh well, at least she has friends.  I am not saying that I don't because I have two great friends. 

Just right now, as if sensing my boredum, my great friend, Sarah (_jeshide_) called me and asked if her and Andy (onefineman) could come over and play.  (Play= arts and crafts until 2-3am)  Of course they could come over.  They are always welcome here and they should know that by now. : )!!  Well, gotta go get ready for them.  I also have to get out of the shorts I am wearing right now.  They are the "girly" shorts, if anyone cares.  Way too short!!  (Hehe)

So I have really nothing to write about, so I am just going to talk. 
Work: I am recently trying to find another job to help pay for college.  The good news is that if my manager, Chris, has it in for me, Drew, the assistant manager will protect me.  He is a very kind person and always tries to make my life more easier. He is totally awesome!!  Yay.  I also want to thank Sarah for always wanting to cash for me when I don't want to, which is always. Love ya! 

Home Life:  Boring.  My sister just got her permit and she is wanting to drive 24/7.  Lord, help me!!  She is not that bad, but her turns really need some help.  I know she is still new at this, but she still frightens me.  I am amazed and worship other people who have had to deal with your younger siblings learning how to drive and are cool with it. The thing that scares me the most is that she keeps on saying that if I don't hurry up or get in the car, she will purposely get into an accident to kill me.  Just a likle scary!!

I really have no clue what I am saying.  I am waiting for my sister to get off of work so I can pick her up.  My mom usually does it, but she is really tired and I thought that I should let her rest.  I also need to play the games that my friend gave my to try.  I just never have any time.  Yuck, work.  I also have to some scholarships, but I just haven't gotten around to it.  Life is just too stressful, but life wouldn't be the same if it wasn't. 
I am going to write a story now. . .

( Story )

So I realized that I probably bored you to death with my last entry.  Bummer.  So a recap on my way toooo long trip was that it was fun, really sun burnt and way too much family.  Well, the story of my life.  Also the joys of being Arabic. Every one gets in everyone else's life and then had to make a huge issue out if something that didn't exist in the first place.  WHY?!?!?  If you have seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding (a great movie, watch it) then you have met my family.  The sad thing id that I can name people in that movie that make up my family.  What fun!! 
Oh, now time to complain about work:
   My manage (who shall remain nameless . . . *cough chris cough* . . .) decided to schedule me for work on my last day in SD.  Yeah, to make a long story short, he made a mistake and then didn't even say sorry.  I defiantly need to find a better job with better pay.  There is sooooo much freakin drama at Noodle's right now that I want to scream.  Please, some one save me. 
  Okay, time for the good news.  I got my AP scores back.  I got a 5 in biology and a 4 in chemistry (which was a huge surprise).  Yay!!  So I had to go see my advisor to fix my schedule.  I drooped out of my bio class to take a anthropology class called Dead Men Tell Tales.  Yay for forensics.  I also found out that my next bio class would be in the graduate level.  That really surprised me.  Yay!!!
  Other than that nothing is really new.  I need a vacation.  Crap, I just had "a vacation". 
Random fact of my life:  my cat loves me!!!  And I love Orion, my big, fat, shedding cat!!

Ok!!
I lied. I told my friends that I would update every day and I didn't. The reasoin is that my Teta does not have intrenet access because her monitor is broken. Oh well. So I will have to give you a recapo of my days in my old home.
DAY 1:
We got in and my aunt abducted my dad and my mom's mom, my teta, picked us up. (By the way, she drives like a maniac. But we still love her.) The flight went good, blah blah... That night we had desert at the bride's house, my Anut Judy and went to bed late. Yay for sleep.
DAY 2:
The BBQ. Most of the family , both sides, came over for ribs and chicken. Yay for family. I also went to an awsome coffee shop called Lestat's. It was really kewl. The BBQ went well and I got to meet most of the Groom's family.
DAY 3:
The Rehersal dinner. Of course, none of the "kids" were invited, so I got to rot at home, watching over my "new" uncle's neice, Tegan. She was okay, she was my slave and I was her waitress. She already fits in. Today was the fisrt time I ever gambled. There is a 18+ casino called Barona and I got to go. It was amazing. It looked like a huge gaming room. I wanted to start looking for DDR. What fun. Anyways, I ended up loosing $5, but winning $123. Beginner's luck??
DAY 4:
The bachlorette and bachlor parties. Once agian, no kids. So I had to go over to my cousin's house to watch another neice of "uncle" and i wanted to die. If you don't already know me, I DO NOT LIKE KIDS!!!!! THis was no exception. *Scream*
DAY 5:
Fourth of July. Yay USA!! The wedding. It was actually a lot of fun. The service was short and beautiful. My aunt looked really happy. Jack, the groom, is a great man. I totally approve. The reception was fun. I mainly hung out with my older cousin, Taji. We, being Arbic, finally got a hold of some arbic music and a CD player and began traditions. Most of the family danced the debka, which is a dance step that is prefprmed on a big circle, with everyone holding hands. Wow. Taji can move and my 70-something Teta can still dance. It was a lot of fun. We got to watch fireworks at the dock. After about four different sets were over, and we saw them all, we went out front and watched Sea World's. They were very loud. Oh, I also met a guy. I know, you don't care abput my non-existant love life... His name is Cory and very nice. Oh, well, I think a little too old for me. He was 24? Oh well, we live in two differnt states. Not gonna work. Too bad. After that, nothing much. My dad being my dad thought that he would find a "shortcut" and got my mom and teta lostfor over an hour. He ended up going to Ocean Beach, which is close to L.A. It sucks to be them. (Ave. Q)
DAY 6:
Went to the beach with some old friends. I only caught one wave boogie-boarding. Oh, well. Got really sunburnt. OUCH!!
TODAY:
I am currently at my Aunt Betty's house. We are staying here for two nights (I think. No one ever tells me anything.) We went to thir time share and swam a little bit. I hope no more Ssun burns. More OUCHs!!

I think that is about it so far. Sorry about the loooong message, but I had to keep you updated in my very boring life. I miss all of you in WI. Many hugs.

Today was the Star Orientation at my new college.  I had to arrange my classes and I got a tour of the campus(although I wasn't paying attention.  Bad me.)  I kinda realizes that I am actually beginning college and that i get to choose my own classes and what i am going to study.  Yay for Biology.  Oh, I found probably the best class today.  It is called Dead Men Do Talk.  It is all about forensic sciences and the process used in solving crimes.  I would have taken it too, but i had a "schedule conflict".  Oh well.  I also have to take math every day of the week. That will suck terribly.  The story of my life. 
Right now I am watching one of my favorite shows, Ghost Hunters.  It is about a group of ghost hunters called TAPS and they go to "haunted" places trying to find scientific evidence that there is paranormal activity there.  Some of their visits are truly eye-opening.  There was this one episode where they visited a haunted lighthouse.  They actually got footage of a partial apartion and recorded conversations of p[people that they did not know at the top of the lighthouse.  For more information, just watch the show.  It is really well done and nothing is made up.  Yay for the Sci-Fi channel. 

So yes, this is my first and official entry. Yay, I finally did it, although I still have a lot to de to make it more like me. Thanks for Andy and Sarah and Janelle for in spiring me to open my thoughts to the general public.
I am just sitting, watching nat'l geo channel and eating cantalope. Did you know that there is a nudist colony in flordia. I think that is a bit bizaar. I mean, just a little uncomfortable. Oh, well, that is their choicer and i do not discriminate.
Not much going on. I really don't want to work today. I have to cash and I realy dont want to dealk with stupid people. Oh, if people reading this don't know, I work at a Noodles & Co. The people are great, but the job kinda sux. The story of my life. But hey, it pays. And I do need the money.
So I am really excited. In three days I will be back home, in San Diego. Yay. I got one of these portable Sudoku games. I think it will be a good investment. I got one for my sister also, and she had her usually fit, telling me that she has no money and blaming it all on me. Then she decided to do something new. She left her computer and locked her self in her room. Hopefully, this is just a phase, because it is really hard to live with her life this.
On a happier note, I found a way to go to my friend's show, the Music Man. I really wanted to gpo see it, but I was leaving Friday Morning and I can only see it with Andy. So, hopefully I will be able to see it on thrusday. I have heard it is good. I think I need to go see more shows. It is kinda expensive and I don't have the money, excepially tring to pay for college.
Well, i think I have bored you enough, So I will say good bye.